10 Weeks

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The baby is 10 WEEKS today!!

The baby is about an inch and a half long today -- a half inch longer than last week -- and about the size of a prune.  Even though the baby is only the size of a prune, his/her elbows are working!  Bones and cartilage are also forming, and the little teeth buds are appearing under the gums.

The baby has completed the most crucial part of his or her development, and now begins the time of rapid growth and development of the tissues and organs.

And I feel like a failure -- I totally missed the transition from embryo to fetus!!  I was SO sure it was at 10 weeks when the graduation takes place, but it turns out it was NINE weeks!  Jeremy even said "Happy Fetus Day!" to me when I woke up, and then after reading up to write this post, I had to admit I was wrong.  

THERE'S A BABY (or a gummi bear) IN THERE!!!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

My doctor didn't want to give me an early ultrasound?  SO WHAT!  I do what I want! :)

I got pictures of the baby, and it was amazing, wonderful, magical, perfect.  Look at my baby!

(if you don't know these pics well, this is straight on, so the lump is not my belly.  I WISH I looked as pregnant as I felt!)

The director of the Diagnostic Medical Sonography program had asked me to drink 64 oz of water before I came.  Yikes.  I drank 32, and then went over early, but then I had to wait the half an hour for being early and an extra half an hour because they weren't quite ready for me yet.  When I got up on the table, the very first thing the instructor said was "Oh my word, I have never seen a bladder more full than that.  Are you okay??"  I said, "Well, let's just not talk about it."  But then three other people were like "Oh my!  What a full bladder.  Are you sure you want me to scan you?"  The first student to scan said my bladder was gorgeous.  I told her I hear that like ten time a day, but what about the BABY?

As soon as they found the baby and started measuring him/her, I said, "You found it?!?!  The baby's really in there?!?!" And the instructor was like, "Yes, of course!  I'm sorry, they're students!"  It was just my biggest fear that I would get there and they would have to slide me off the table and tell me there was nothing there, so when the first student was gliding around my belly without saying anything, I thought they couldn't find the baby!  Once they showed me the baby, I started crying.  One of the girls was like, "Oh my God, we made our patient cry!  Is this normal?!?!"  I apologized, and said "It is for me.  I should have warned you!"

I could see the heart beating the whole time.  It was like they couldn't get away from the little heart if they tried.  At the end, he/she even started moving!!  MOVING!!

The yolk sac was a good size, and the mass that will become the brain was a good size, and so was the uterus and my cervix.  The baby measured at about nine weeks, and the heart rate was 173!! Well, mine was probably much higher than that, so the baby was anxious with me.  Something for me to remember when I am feeling anxious -- the baby really DOES feel it with me.  

It was amazing.  The only low point of the day was that Jeremy could not get off work, and he sent the video camera with me, but the BATTERY WAS DEAD!  Guh!  So, he got to see the pictures, but he couldn't see that amazing little heartbeat and the baby moving because he/she was sick of all the students poking!

I can't wait for more of these.  I could go every week!

9 Weeks

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Nine weeks snuck up on us with the due date change, but it is certainly welcome!

This week, the baby is about an inch long and the size of a grape.  

The baby is also starting to look more "human."  The tail should be gone by now (!), and his or her little heart will finish dividing into four chamber and developing valves, at the same time his or her little teeth are developing.  

The external sex organs are in place and all figured out, although we wouldn't be able to see them for a few more weeks ... IF we decide to learn the sex of the baby before the birth (BIG DEBATE IN THE DIMICK HOUSE!!!!)

Now that the baby's basic physiology is in place, he or she is poised for rapid weight gain!  We can't wait!!

What a Difference 45 Minutes Makes!

Friday, January 22, 2010

After I finished complaining writing my last post, I called my gal pal, Jenn, who also works at Baker College and just had a lovely baby herself.  I asked her if it was normal to not have an ultrasound until 20 weeks, and she calmed my nerves.  But she ALSO gave me the contact information for the Director of the Diagnostic Medical Sonography program at Baker.  

I sent her an e-mail saying I would love to be a patient for her students if she needed me, and ... she called me 15 minutes later!!  AND she asked if I could come in THIS COMING MONDAY FOR AN ULTRASOUND!!!!!!!!!

She said they usually don't like to do ultrasounds on women who have not had one done by their primary doctor, but as long as I realized the position they would be in if they saw something and needed to recommend I see my doctor immediately, then I could come in.  Of course, I said HECK YES, and if she DID see something, it would not have been found this early if not for her anyway, so I would be very grateful.  

I just could not be more excited!  And she will send me home with PICTURES, so next week I will have some fun stuff to post! :)

First Offical Doctor's Appointment

Yesterday I saw the midwife at Meridan's Women's Health and had the big, long informational visit.  She didn't seem scared about my family history, so that's good.  Apparently they are more concerned with a family history of Down's Syndrome, immunodeficiency diseases, and birth defects than they are with large amount of cancer in my family. They also did not chastise me for being an "obese mother," which I was freaking out about, so all in all it was pretty good.

During the exam, she said everything looks great and I am actually closer to nine weeks than eight, like I originally thought.  She also gave me a new due date of August 28th instead of September 5th.

It's really weird though, because I am feeling really down in the dumps today.  I had really thought they would do SOMETHING to be sure my baby was in there growing ... I knew I might not be able to hear a heartbeat yet, but practically every mother I have talked to in the past few weeks has said they got an early ultrasound.  So why didn't I?  

They also said I won't be getting my first ultrasound until 19-20 weeks!! That seems late to me.  And, of course, when I made my next appointment for the middle of February, I didn't have the presence of mind to ask if they will be looking for a heartbeat that day.  And now I am afraid to call and ask.  But I would really like to know, because if they ARE, Jeremy wants to be there, and it would have to be moved to a Friday.  And if they AREN'T, then I need to find a way to explain that I NEED that to happen.

Yes, I know the solution to this is all very simple:  CALL THE PLACE. But, if you know me well, you know my struggles with anxiety and panic (which I really don't have the time, energy, or space to explain here), and you know that a simple phone call like that can reduce me to tears.  Believe me.  I have been hung up on a lot.  Years ago, I couldn't even order a pizza.  Thankfully, I can do so now.  Otherwise, I might have wasted away to nothing by now! :)

Anyway, I am feeling sad and like it still isn't real, but I do love the midwife I met with yesterday.  When I told her about the nausea, she gave me a prescription (love her!), but she also said, "Oh, honey, I know right now you are thinking 'I did NOT sign up for this!' but soon you will be loving this pregnancy!"  

When she asked me if I had any travel plans for the rest of the pregnancy, I told her about my dad's big banquet in Detroit at the end of August that is bigger than his wedding, my wedding, and the birth of Jesus combined and he needed me there, she said, "Well, stop by the day of the banquet, and we'll give you your file.  They have lovely hospitals in Detroit."  So I bet my dad will be happy to hear that. :)

My mom said I need to write more about how I'm happy to be pregnant. Let me direct you here and here.  Yes, I am ECSTATIC to be having a child.  But, unfortunately, right now I am not too excited with my personal pregnancy.  But that doesn't mean I am not still grateful and excited, and I have high hopes that I will be happy soon.  So, here's to hoping!!

Food Woes

Friday, January 15, 2010

I have been struggling more and more with food lately.  Yesterday, the only thing I could stomach was ... french fries.  

Yes, greasy, terrible, lacking in nutritional content french fries. However, they totally saved the day. I was having a B-A-D day yesterday.  I felt all sick and die-y, and it all came to a head when I was driving downtown to meet Jeremy for his lunch break, and I nearly got into a car accident ... on purpose.  A man ignored a yield sign and tried to pull out in front of me at the last second in a rotary, and I seriously considered jerking the wheel and teaching him a lesson ... road rage style.  Apparently the look on my face was enough, because he whipped it into reverse SO FAST.

I got to the restaurant before Jeremy and Loel, and the waitress actually asked if I was okay.  I guess I looked that green.  So I ate an entire basket of fries before they even showed up, and I felt GREAT for the rest of the day.

Anyway, I woke up today feeling really terrible, and couldn't think of anything to eat.  So I drank a few ounces of a protein drink and headed to Meijer.  DEAR GOD.  I almost sat down in the middle of the aisle at one point and gave up.  I considered calling Jeremy at work to come get me.  I cried twice.  Once because I went to buy ingredients for a lovely soup I was going to make my friend Heather today, and when I saw one of the ingredients, which is also one of my favorite foods, I had to run away so I wouldn't ruin ANOTHER purse by puking in it.  The other time because I saw a bib in the baby aisle that said "I may be small, but I'm the boss."  I actually sobbed at that point.

After TWO HOURS at the store and only getting four little bags of food, I got home and made myself a snack I was really hoping would make me less of a basket-case.

Take a look at this:

I feel like I am in a commercial.  And it was DELICIOUS.  And now I feel stellar.  

I was shocked, because the baby has refused every other type of cracker, but for some reason Toasteds are okay.  Hmmm.  

I really hope this continues to be a good snack and I can pack it for work this week, because I have SO few foods I can eat right now.

7 Weeks ...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

... supposedly.  I just confirmed with my doctor/midwife's office that if I want an early ultrasound to determine my actual due date, it will not be for another two weeks.  Splendid.  So, until then, I am still using my best guesstimate, and therefore, I am probably seven weeks today. Yay!

I have been waiting for this particular early milestone ever since I first cracked open What to Expect When You're Expecting ... the baby is now TEN THOUSAND TIMES bigger than it was a month ago!!  That boggles my mind!

Even though he/she is growing exponentially, it is probably still only a quarter of an inch long and the size of a blueberry. 

The biggest fetal growth this week will be the head -- the brain cells are being generated at ONE HUNDRED cells a minute.  

And, good news -- the tail has almost entirely disappeared (hopefully)!

The arm and leg buds are growing longer and stronger and are now dividing into hand, arm, and shoulder segments and leg, knee, and foot segments.

This is crazy -- the baby has now gone through THREE sets of kidneys!  The ones in place now are the ones he/she will have permanently, and will being fulfilling their waste management duties next week.

The baby now has partial eyelids covering eyes that already have some color!

He/she also has an appendix and a pancreas already!

I'm sorry I keep ending every sentence with an exclamation mark!  I just can't stop!  

Anyway, that's week seven for the baby.  Week seven has started out relatively okay for me.  I read that 75% of women deal with this "all-the-livelong-day" sickness, and of them, half will feel better by 14 weeks, and MOST of the rest will feel better a few weeks after that.  So ... the odds are on my side!  I'm not okay, but I'm also not in the fetal position, so I've got that going for me.

Something else I had never read before -- I currently have 10% more blood than I did before pregnancy, and by the time the baby is full term I will have 45% more blood!  Crazy.

Well, that's about all.  I can't wait to get into the second trimester and start seeing and feeling more exciting changes (that don't involve nausea and huge, painful boobs!).

Jan. 11th: Part Two

Monday, January 11, 2010

I forgot to mention the highs and lows of today.  Because they are definitely worth mentioning!

Since I couldn't think of a single thing to snack on throughout the day to pack and take with me to work, I finally just grabbed a jar of olives and threw it in my purse.  Yes, in my purse.  When I got to work and pulled out my chapstick, I noticed it smelled TERRIBLE, so I put my nose close to my purse and sniffed ... and ALSO noticed the jar no longer had any brine ...

Yeah, an entire jar of olive juice.  In my purse.  On my cell phone.  Soaked into the fabric.  In my blush.  On my keys.  Yeah.

I walked the dog without puking in a neighbor's yard (if you don't know the back story, click here)!  Now maybe they will take me off the neighborhood watch "terrorist" list. 

Call Morgan Spurlock, Because I Think This McDonald's Relationship Might Be Official

I went back to work today ... let me just sum it up by saying it is TRULY embarrassing to have a hard time teaching a college class because standing up and speaking is enough to exhaust you and make your voice all wavery.  A few times I pretended that I was searching for a word so I could take a few deep breaths.  So now my students think I am so out of shape I get winded from standing AND I am inarticulate.  Maybe not the greatest strategy, but it was the best I could come up with at the time.

I also learned that the only reasons I was not experiencing certain pregnancy symptoms that people asked about was because I was living on the couch and the nausea was so overwhelming I could not feel anything else.  Well, standing up straight for 10 minutes in fancy shoes was enough for me to develop such an ache in my lower back I had the urge to grab at it like you can only get away with when you look nine months pregnant.  Yikes.

I have to say, though, I think the only reason I didn't end up on the floor in the fetal position, rocked by nausea is because I stopped for an Egg McMuffin again.  The only other day I remember not feeling like dying was the first day I stopped for an Egg McMuffin breakfast, so I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be the key to my success.  I guess it could be worse.

I also stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and got a Strawberry Fruitista Freeze, and OHMYGOD, I loved those things before, but NOW?  I want need a million a day.  Thankfully, I had found a recipe an hour before that for a strawberry-lime freeze, and Jeremy said he would make me one tonight.  Yumlicious.

There was one highly odd and scary moment today: I sneezed, and there was such a deep, stabbing pain across my abdomen that I gasped and nearly swerved off the road.  I have never felt anything like that before, and I am hoping there is someone out there who can explain it and ease my worries.  So, get on it! 

Meh ...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

There has not been to much to report around here, except for the fact that I have been experiencing some serious ups and downs.

One minute I am feeling awesome and the next minute I have crumbled to the couch, my whole body overcome with ... horribleness.  I think the good moments are actually making things worse, because I get all excited and do exhausting things and forget to eat a nibble every hour, and then I plummet to the bottom of my "feeling like dying" meter.

My cravings lately have consisted of kalamata olives, Claussen pickles, and melted American cheese (on ANYTHING, but I can mostly only eat it on while grain bagels).

I am also VERY anxious to get to the doctor.  I need some proof and some questions answered.  I have been having some very slight cramping on and off, and I have read in a million places that it is normal, but I won't believe it is normal until she can say I am safely pregnant and things are progressing normally.  I am also VERY hopeful that I can get an anti-nausea prescription!  I start back at work tomorrow, and I really can't have any of this "bad day" nonsense.  I can't teach college composition classes from my couch.  I asked my dean, and he said no.  Booo.

So, more updates some time this week on how I manage to teach without puking or crying!  I am optimistic, but, you never know what the soybean has planned! 

Leaps and Bounds

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Thanks to Arwen Mosher, I am no longer dying!  Let's give it up to her for telling me my blood sugar is likely all whack if I am eating things like saltines.  She suggested trying to get protein and fat into my mouth every time I eat.  She warned me it would sound terrible, but I trusted her and ate a nice fatty protein this morning and LIKE MAGIC the sea of sickness in my stomach calmed, and I probably could have eaten ANYTHING today.  I kept it up with a lot of small protein meals, and I am feeling like a rock star.

Her timing could not have been more perfect, because I had to head back to work today.  We had a 6-hour long meeting and I had been pretty worried that I would die 5 minutes into it and get fired.  But I survived!  And I even went GROCERY SHOPPING after the 40-minute drive and CAME HOME AND MADE CHILI!!!!  These things have not been happening lately because of all the death, but now it's like I'm a whole new lady.

The other great stride I made today is finally choosing a place to make an appointment for my first huge "intake" appointment.  I decided to try the Meridian's Women's Health Center on the advice of Miss Jess (you take a bow, too) and I liked the sound of the place.  I am even more excited that they have a certified midwife on staff, and I will be meeting her for my initial appointment.  The only problem is I still have to wait another two weeks to get in.  Grrr!  I am still having those terrible fears that I am not really pregnant, and I need some blood work or nice close up pictures of the baby (I kid) to provide me some evidence.  And I have lots of questions (surprise!).

In other news, this is what soybean looks like right about now:

Isn't she cute!?!?!  (Jeremy calls the baby "he" and I call the baby "she" -- just to be fair.)

The nose, mouth and ears are beginning to take shape, and the baby's heart is beating 100-160 times a minute.  Blood is beginning to course through his body, the intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to the lungs has appeared.  The pituitary gland is forming, as are the the rest of the brain, muscles, and bones.  The tongue and vocal cords are even beginning to form!

The baby is probably a quarter of an inch long and is about the size of a lentil bean.

I really wasn't prepared for how different it would be to read this information when it was MY BABY they were describing.  I cried when I read the 6-week physical changes descriptions to Jeremy from What to Expect When You're Expecting.  Well, no surprise there!

I continue to get GREAT ideas and advice and motivation.  Thanks to all of you, and keep it coming! 

Mom Gifts

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Check out what I found, people!!  I don't know if it will work for my specific anticipated month of delivery, but anyone planning on having a baby in the dead of summer will be sure to love this:


Includes lovely lavender dress to leave for the hospital and possibly return from hospital, a matching headband, a mirror, pink sheer lip gloss, lemon scented wipes, and a bottle of "Get Ready to Rub Heated Massage Oil."  Everything you need to get there, push the kid out, and then get primped for pictures, for only $34.99 at perpetualkid.com.  

Okay, maybe not EVERYthing, but it is a cute idea if you know a momma who's going to pop during a hot month. :)

Plus, I really like the silhouette on the box.

First Official Baby Presents!

Believe it or not, we are actually already getting GIFTS for the baby! We have such tremendous friends.

The day after Jeremy told his co-worker, Lo'el, that I was pregnant, she sent these home:

She said she found them at World Market and couldn't resist.  

Is it wrong that I immediately opened them and started eating the babies?  Because I did.

THEN, I got THIS in the mail from my dear friend, Melissa:


When I opened it, I apparently emoted so loudly and shrilly that Jeremy thought there might be a kitten in the box.

It is adorable based on its own merits, but Jeremy and I are huge Beatles fans, and even used all Beatles music in our wedding ceremony last year.

Look how TINY it is!!  And a tiny person will be in there one day!

I just can't believe that we already have a little pile started for our soybean.

December 24th & 25th: How We Told Our Families

Monday, January 4, 2010

After learning the news, it seemed impossible to wait any longer to tell anyone, and Jeremy and I agreed that Christmas would be an amazing time for a reveal.

Since the Christmas schedule had already been determined, the announcement schedule had also been determined.

On Christmas Eve, we arrived at my parents' house right around lunch. I grabbed food and ate, and then was sitting there about to burst while my dad and brother S-L-O-W-L-Y thought about eating and then got themselves courses -- COURSES! -- when all I could think about was telling them before I slipped up and said something stupid.  I had already turned down a big bottle of Diet Coke, which made my mom look at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears, and I was afraid she might start connecting dots.

Two hours later, everyone was done eating, and my dad FINALLY stood up to get the "rest" of his lunch, and I couldn't take it anymore.  I asked if I could give mom a small present, and my dad sighed and complained and then said "Oh yes, of COURSE, we can drop everything and pay attention to YOU!" which is pretty ironic, because he was so excited to give Jeremy one of his gifts that he gave it to him AS HE WAS WALKING IN THE DOOR.  To my father, I replied, "Oh, you are going to be soooo sorry you said that," and handed my mom this:

I wasn't sure if she got it immediately, since she already IS a grandma to her stepdaughters' six children, so I lifted up my sweatshirt and showed her THIS:

And everyone jumped up and starting hugging and crying and shouting. It was great!

FAST FORWARD TO December 25th ...

We called Jeremy's parents, and they said we should just go meet the entire extended family at Gran's house instead of waiting at their house for Jeremy's mom to get off work, which is what we were kind of hoping for so we could tell them first.

So, we went to Gran's house and made chit chat, and I avoided the lunch line because I thought there might be disastrous results, and I sat, wiggling my foot, just DYING for Karri to show up and eat her lunch so we could spill our big news.

Karri finally arrived, and her and Brian ate ... and it seemed to take forever!  They ate like normal people, no doubt about it, but it felt like it took hours!  Finally, I told Jeremy that we should whisper to his parents and siblings that we had a surprise present we had to give them in Gran's bedroom.  When Jeremy told his dad ... I WISH I had a picture of the look on his face!  He looked very bewildered and weired out, but I rounded up everyone else and we hid in Gran's bedroom, where I also gave Karri this album:

(which was awesomely obvious for her, since this will be her first grandchild) and then whipped up my shirt again to reveal this:

(Sorry, I know I didn't have to repeat those pictures, but I thought you might want to full effect!  Don't worry, you'll get to see it one more time in this fun little re-cap!)

The Dimicks hooted and hollered and screamed much louder than I anticipated, and when we stepped out of the bedroom, the other 30 people in the house were staring at us and asking what was up. Originally, we were going to reveal it to the rest of the family at the beginning of present time, but I asked Jeremy if we should go for it, and we figured we might as well go with the flow.

I shouted to the house "If you want in on the secret, come to the living room!" everyone crowded around, and I handed Gran THIS:

(Later, Gran said she was looking at it and was thinking "Who are those people?" before she read what it said!)

Jeremy's Aunt Kristi was sitting right next to her while she opened it, and she started screaming something about great-grandchildren (and she does not yet have any great-grandchildren!) and the people in close vicinity started shrieking, and I lifted up my shirt, a little riled by all the excited shouting, and screamed "BAM!!!" as I revealed: 

There was shouting and screaming, and clapping, and excitement from 30+ people, and more than I expected I would ever see during an announcement like this, so ... I may have gotten a little carried away and pointed at my stomach and shouted, "There's a BABY in there!" which was met by even more excitement.

All in all, the family reveals were better than I ever could have imagined. We have great families!

Product Reviews Needed!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Calling all mothers:  I am (very prematurely) sorting through baby products online so when the time comes to register I will not be so overwhelmed, and I need your help.

What are the BEST things you ever bought or received?  What is it that you could not have lived without?

What are the things that everyone told you you needed and you never used once?

Any votes for best and worst specific products?

Also, there are two specific things I will really be needing lots of advice on, the earlier the better:  1) I am planning on breast feeding, so I need help finding the best breast pumps and accessories, and 
2) I will be using cloth diapers.  I would love shout-outs on your favorite brands and (Arwen, specifically, since I don't know anyone else brave enough to do this!) what the heck you DO ... I mean, disposable is easy.  You throw it in a diaper genie and throw it to the curb.  I will really be needing tips on how people handle the cloth diapers and maintain their sanity.

Thanks, Moms!!  Keep commenting as long as you keep thinking of things! 

*           *            *           *            *

UPDATE:  A very helpful lady pointed out that I should also add some of the "specifics" that I am already looking at so you can rant or rave about them!

So, these are the only things I have found so far that I am somewhat attached to or interested in:

I REALLY (really really) want a convertible crib that moves from crib to toddler bed to full bed.  Jeremy says he assumes they are all "rickety" and fears for our child's life.  I suspect there will be a pattern emerging here ...

Anyway, this is one I found and have been able to actually look at in the store:

Product Image

Thoughts on convertible cribs or this brand in general?

I have very sincere intentions of going the cloth diaper route, and the diapers they make now are freakin' amazing.

My (very) limited research has me leaning toward THIS brand ...

Product Image

... but I REALLY need feedback on this one.  I know they pay for themselves in three months or less, but it is still a big investment.  Especially if you make the investment and then realize you have the diapers and are probably going to use disposable anyway because you are so upset.

So, Internet, what do we think of Bumgenius?

I read so much about car seats that all words lost meaning.  Like when you say one word over and over, and all of a sudden you are pretty sure that it is not a real word anymore.  That is my current relationship with all words.

Anyway, here is the car seat that is supposedly the safest car seat ever:

Product Image

So why doesn't it have little pads on the straps?  Every other car seat in the world has them!

I DO like how gender-neutral it is though.  When I told Jeremy I was already stressing out about the safest car seat, he just laid his hand on top of mine and said, "Oh, honey, we won't be able to afford the safe car seats, so don't even worry about it."  Love that guy! :)

Any thoughts on brands and safety and weight allowances or ... uh oh, the words are losing meaning again.  

I know I will want one of these babies, and, again, I have been reading tons of reviews, desperately trying to find one that people claim has a motor that doesn't burn out and is stable enough that your child will not fall out of it.

This is what I found:

Fisher-Price Nature's Touch Baby Papasan Cradle Swing - Fisher-Price  - Babies"R"Us

I am REALLY hoping people have some rants and raves about specific models, because I don't care how it looks, just how it functions.

I am still totally clueless on the highchair, stroller, and some sort of pack and play device.  But on a last awesome note, look at this!

Product Image 4Moms Cleanwater Infant Tub with Digital Thermometer
Product Image

I know it's hard to read, but it says: "1. Warm water from faucet enters collection area.  2. Warm water flows over temperature sensor and into reservoir.  3.  As reservoir fills, water overflows into bathing area.  4.  Clean water circulates around baby as dirty water exits through sidewall drains."

Seriously?!?!  How long have these existed??  So awesome!!

Thanks again, and I will keep adding to this one.  

The Crying Game

Saturday, January 2, 2010

It seems cruel.  I mean, come on, body!!  I am emotional enough already!!  Why, oh why, did you feel the need to pump enough hormones through me to make me cry at the drop of a hat ... and sometimes be unable to stop.

When the ball dropped on New Year's Eve?  Oh, forget about it!  I had been crying for the entire 15 minute countdown in Times Square, but when the (fancy new Waterford) ball dropped, it was crazy, wracking sobs.  Poor Jeremy.  I bet that man thinks I am not pregnant and actually suffering from a nervous breakdown.  Or am possessed by the devil.

We watched The Village on New Year's Eve.  The Village -- an M. Night Shamalyn thriller, and I cried for about 25 minutes of the 90 minute film.

I was looking at stuff on-line and NURSING PADS made me cry!  Maybe it was the obvious reason (OH MY GOD, I AM THINKING ABOUT BREAST FEEDING WHICH WILL HURT LIKE CRAZY!!), or some convoluted emotional response that involved many different things that I had better not list here because I will start sobbing again.

Uh oh ... speak of the devil.  Gotta go get some Kleenex. 

A Little Uncertainty

While this whole whirlwind of telling everyone about the baby has been wonderful and memorable, it is scary too.  It might sound weird, but it's not like I felt all that pregnant right away.  I was queasy and exhausted, but it's not like I could feel the baby in there.  I was so scared that maybe this was a cruel joke, or a virus, or something crazy like that.  Then, of course, what if this was just a chemical pregnancy? What if the egg was fertilized but never implanted and in a few days I took a test again and it was negative??!?  

Okay, maybe I should have researched chemical pregnancies a little bit more before freaking out so much, but it was (and still is) scary.  

That feeling didn't go away, even after I got more pregnancy symptoms (read: horrible nausea, extreme fatigue, strange cravings, wild mood swings, and huge tender breasts).  I still think that this could all be psychological.  What if I just CONVINCED myself that I am pregnant, and my BRAIN (which has turned against me in the past, make no mistake about it) is making me have all these crazy symptoms.  It's not like I've never gone through a whole jar of dill pickles in one week before!

After wanting a baby for so many long years, after all the countless days when I broke down into tears because I was sure I would never get pregnant, this pregnancy thing is really hard to get used to.  It seems so tenuous.  At any moment, I feel like it could be snatched away from me -- not so fast, sweetheart.  No happiness for you!!

I wonder when it will feel ... okay.  Like it is for real and forever and our little soybean is here to stay.

For a little less serious version of how things have been going in these parts, just click here.