Doctor Visit and GBS

I had my weekly doctor's appointment today.  The first thing I asked the doctor was if he could take her out today.  He said no.  Jerk.


It was a bit of an emotional visit after that, however, because he told me I was positive for Group B Strep, the bacteria they tested me for last week.  I started sobbing, so it turned into a little therapy session.  


Group B Strep, which is not related to Strep like Strep throat, is a bacteria that 10-35% of the pregnant female population hosts in their vaginal and/or rectal regions.  It is completely harmless to adults, but there is a chance of it being transmitted to the baby during delivery.  If the baby were to transmit the Strep, she could develop serious infections or pneumonia soon after birth.


What it means for me is that I will be on IV antibiotics during labor and delivery to reduce the chance of passing it along.  However, since I am allergic to penicillin, they will have to do some testing on me to see which antibiotic I will be able to tolerate.  I did not ask whether we will be able to do that ahead of time or it will be done when I get to the hospital since I was too busy freaking out and crying, but when I am calm tomorrow I will call and ask more questions.


The doctors say the chance of the baby having any complications is VERY slim since we will be prepared with antibiotics, but I can't help but freak out and feel so guilty.  This THING I have inside me could seriously hurt my baby, and that is my fault.  Okay, so I had no control over being one of the population to have this bacteria (it is not contracted or developed due to something I did), but it is still in ME and I am now exposing my baby to another complication on a day that could be full of complications.


Plus, I don't know as much about this as the doctors, so it is hard to just think, Oh, okay, they will hook me up to an IV.  No problem.  I keep thinking of the what-ifs:  What if I am at work and it takes me a long time to get to the hospital?  What if she is exposed to the bacteria before they have a chance to get the IV up and running? What if my sensitivity to most drugs causes problems and the antibiotics are not delivered on time or efficiently?  I never claimed to be someone who doesn't overreact or over-think things.


After that whole big bombshell he dropped on me, he checked the heartbeat, and it was loud and strong, and then told me it was good that I was having a few sporadic contractions.  After that, I was all prepared for him to check and see if I was dilated, but he says they don't do that until the 39th week unless there is a very good reason. He said many doctors don't do that preemptively anymore because it is very painful, and contractions or water breaking is a much more accurate sign of progress.  He said I could request one at any time, but at their practice they will not ever induce me unless there is an excellent reason, so if I was dilated and not contracting, they would just tell me to hang in there.


So, I asked him if I could request him breaking my water.  He said no. Again.  Even after I offered to bake him a cake.  Jerk.


After calling Jeremy and my mom sobbing, I went to Joann Fabric and finally bought some fabric for sheets for the cradle (I am going to keep her in our room for a while in the cradle my dad made for me when I was a baby).  I also finally bought a canvas, paints, and brushes to get started on a painting I want to make to hang in her nursery above the crib.  I hope it turns out!!!


Then I moped around the rest of the night, because crying exhausts me!  I know this Group B Strep is not the hugest thing in the world, but I am so frustrated and feel so out of control.  I have been trying so hard to do everything right, and now there is nothing I can do to minimize this risk for her.  I guess this is just practice for the rest of her life, right? :)  

Doctor Appointment

I had a doctor appointment yesterday morning, and I needed a little time to think about it before I wrote anything, but I have found this blog to be very cathartic, so I am going full-steam ahead with discussing some news that has me freaked out.


So, yesterday's appointment started with my weight, which has not changed in a month!!  WOOT! (no worries, though; "plus-sized" mothers do not usually need to gain as much weight.  The doctors are happy with my weight progression) and a urine sample which was "fantastic" according to my doctor (I like that he likes my urine so much).  My blood pressure was 118/68, even though I was very worked up (since I have still been spotting since my last visit two weeks ago when they ran the EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLAR test to make sure there were no signs of premature labor and my cervix was in good shape).  The baby's heartbeat was great, even though she moved away from the doppler THREE times while the doctor was trying to get her heart rate! :)  I told him she was a mover!


So, everything was fine until he did my fundal measurement (*The height of my uterus.  Picture below if interested) and saw that I was measuring 3 centimeters ahead of 33 weeks, even though I was only at 32-and-a-half weeks, which puts me just over the "not normal zone." My doctor told me there was slight concern because I have been absolutely on with my measurements the entire time, never wavering one bit, and then there was a rather large jump into the abnormal range so suddenly, so he scheduled an ultrasound ... in TWO WEEKS.  I have to wait TWO WHOLE WEEKS to see if something is wrong or everything is fine and she is just in a very strange position, causing the measurements to be skewed.


He tried to calm me down and tell me not to worry (nice try, doc), but explained very rationally that combined with my spotting, the fact that I had not gained any weight but my uterus got so big so fast, AND my sugar was fine (so it is obviously not gestational diabetes making the baby big), it was necessary to take a quick look to check the size of the baby and check to make sure everything is still okay with the placenta, amniotic fluid, and umbilical cord.


So, there are many options here:  

• It could just be a very large, but still very healthy baby -- however, the doctor said big babies tend to grow at a steady rate
• The baby could just be messing with us and be in a strange position (I am crossing my fingers for this one)
• There could be too much amniotic fluid, which could be a symptom of many, many things (Which I will not go into detail here.  I am trying to hope for the best)
• The placenta could have slipped from its posterior position to covering or partially covering the cervix (This would also not be great)
• I could be at risk of the umbilical cord prolapsing (Also not awesome)

Jeremy will probably think that I am sharing too much here, but I really feel better after writing everything down and taking a critical look at it. Plus, there is always the chance that some of you reading might have had a similar experience and could give me some comfort! :)

It was just so disheartening to hear that everything looks amazing ... ooops, except this one thing that could be nothing or could be a huge deal.  And then my doctor tells me not to worry about it while I wait two weeks for the ultrasound.  GUH!!!

I also feel tremendously guilty, because I have been saying I am SO ready for her to be here.  I mean, I am having a tough pregnancy and I am DYING to have a baby instead of a belly, but I obviously never meant I wanted her to be premature and in danger.  I wanted a baby NOW who was healthy, fully grown, and a nice healthy weight.  Maybe I should have specified that.  

However, I had Jeremy give the baby a stern talking-to when he got home from work.  He told her to "grow normally!" and "stay in there until you're cooked!" and told me if I ever needed to, I could just tell her, "wait until your father hears about this!!"  He's a big help! <3

*Fundal measurements, if interested:

Meh ...

There has not been to much to report around here, except for the fact that I have been experiencing some serious ups and downs.


One minute I am feeling awesome and the next minute I have crumbled to the couch, my whole body overcome with ... horribleness.  I think the good moments are actually making things worse, because I get all excited and do exhausting things and forget to eat a nibble every hour, and then I plummet to the bottom of my "feeling like dying" meter.


My cravings lately have consisted of kalamata olives, Claussen pickles, and melted American cheese (on ANYTHING, but I can mostly only eat it on while grain bagels).


I am also VERY anxious to get to the doctor.  I need some proof and some questions answered.  I have been having some very slight cramping on and off, and I have read in a million places that it is normal, but I won't believe it is normal until she can say I am safely pregnant and things are progressing normally.  I am also VERY hopeful that I can get an anti-nausea prescription!  I start back at work tomorrow, and I really can't have any of this "bad day" nonsense.  I can't teach college composition classes from my couch.  I asked my dean, and he said no.  Booo.


So, more updates some time this week on how I manage to teach without puking or crying!  I am optimistic, but, you never know what the soybean has planned! 

A Little Uncertainty

While this whole whirlwind of telling everyone about the baby has been wonderful and memorable, it is scary too.  It might sound weird, but it's not like I felt all that pregnant right away.  I was queasy and exhausted, but it's not like I could feel the baby in there.  I was so scared that maybe this was a cruel joke, or a virus, or something crazy like that.  Then, of course, what if this was just a chemical pregnancy? What if the egg was fertilized but never implanted and in a few days I took a test again and it was negative??!?  

Okay, maybe I should have researched chemical pregnancies a little bit more before freaking out so much, but it was (and still is) scary.  

That feeling didn't go away, even after I got more pregnancy symptoms (read: horrible nausea, extreme fatigue, strange cravings, wild mood swings, and huge tender breasts).  I still think that this could all be psychological.  What if I just CONVINCED myself that I am pregnant, and my BRAIN (which has turned against me in the past, make no mistake about it) is making me have all these crazy symptoms.  It's not like I've never gone through a whole jar of dill pickles in one week before!

After wanting a baby for so many long years, after all the countless days when I broke down into tears because I was sure I would never get pregnant, this pregnancy thing is really hard to get used to.  It seems so tenuous.  At any moment, I feel like it could be snatched away from me -- not so fast, sweetheart.  No happiness for you!!

I wonder when it will feel ... okay.  Like it is for real and forever and our little soybean is here to stay.


For a little less serious version of how things have been going in these parts, just click here.